Chapter Two: Affirmation
Scully stared absently out of her windshield and into the dusky sky, though it was concealed by the many ominous black clouds. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to face Mulder all day after her doctor’s appointment. Scully knew that he had been trying to reach her by her cell phone and was obviously concerned for her and wanted to know how her doctor’s appointment went, however she was scared of how he might react to her news.
At this, Scully protectively placed her free hand on the small forming bulge of her stomach. She was also scared for her baby, scared for all of them. It had been a chore and a half to force back her tears, until finally she couldn’t hold them back any longer that they started to flow freely down her face. She knew she had to face Mulder sooner or later, but she was scared that he would leave her and she knew that this would cause several emotions between the two of them that had been held inside for the last few months.
She thought back three months ago today, her reunion with Mulder after being separated for a year, the night at the motel where she had come to the conclusion was the night that they conceived this child.
Scully reluctantly pulled off of the road and into the driveway of the hotel. She took her keys out of the ignition and folded her hands in her lap. She was only minutes away from telling Mulder the news, but she also knew that she was going to have to tell him eventually and that it would be best to do that now and get it over with.
Scully slowly and cautiously began exit her car and placed her feet out onto the wet cement. Once she managed to get out of the car she felt a wave of nausea and leaned on the side of the car for support.
Scully closed her eyes and let the nausea pass before she felt a wetness on her forehead. She opened her eyes and looked into the sky to see it had started sprinkling, pulling her coat securely around her stomach as she felt a strong breeze rush over her.
Finally deciding it was time to face what ever lay ahead of her, she moved toward the front door of the motel. With some hesitation, she inserted the key and opened the door, slowly entering the room before shutting the door behind her.
Mulder, who had been lying on the bed for what seemed like an eternity, bolted upright when he heard the door close to see Scully standing in front of the closed door. “Scully! Are you alright!?” he pleaded as he rushed over towards her.
Scully looked down as tears of mixed emotions welled in her eyes. “Mulder…” her voice broke.
At this, Mulder quickly encircled her fragile form and held her protectively. “I’ve been so worried about you. You haven’t returned any of my phone calls! Where have you been all day?” he asked before he pulled a strand of hair behind her ear as he kissed her forehead.
It was then that he was able to see the tears gathering in her eyes and he spoke more gently. “What’s wrong? What is it, Scully? It’s alright, you can tell me,” he said softly as he gently tilted her chin so she would meet his gaze.
Scully bit her quivering lip and shifted her gaze as another tear slipped from her eye. Mulder felt his heart break, but managed to keep it together as he slipped his arm around Scully. “Let’s sit down, it’ll be alright.” he said soothingly as he led her to the edge of the bed.
Mulder wrapped his arms around Scully and rocked her gently. Moments passed before Scully broke the silence and started to speak. “Mulder, there’s something I need to tell you and I’m not sure how to say it; I’m having trouble comprehending this and how I’m going to deal with it but…” Scully trailed off.
Mulder stroked her hair trying to brace himself of what she might say next, and the fear that he might lose her.
“But, uh…I…I’m…I’m pregnant.” she blurted out.
As Mulder’s mouth dropped open in shock, Scully turned away and started to cry. “I, I know what you’re going to say…but Mulder, I don’t think I can give up another child. I know I can’t give up another child! I can’t go through that again.” Scully cried
Mulder gingerly moved towards her. “Scully…I…”
To give up William was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, the hardest decision for Scully to make and it was a decision she knew affected them both. She had also lost her precious Emily, the daughter that she had come to love vastly in such a short amount of time only to have her taken away. Scully also knew that it wasn’t this child’s choice to come into this world and she or he shouldn’t have to suffer for it. And now that she was reunited with Mulder, she knew she wouldn’t be able to give up their child and she wouldn’t even dare to think about any other alternative.
“I can’t bear to lose another child, Mulder. I can’t keep going through this. Even though it’s hard for me to bear, knowing that I have another child somewhere out there and that another was taken from me before I even got the chance to know her, I can’t just give up this child when he or she is born and I can’t and won’t even THINK of doing anything to jeopardize this child’s life. I can’t loose you again either!” Scully broke hysterically.
Mulder quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. “Scully, please stop! I wouldn’t dare to even think anything like that. I know this is difficult, but I’m here, Scully. I’m not going anywhere. I refuse to let you go through with what you did in your last pregnancy. This is our child Scully, I won’t let you go through it alone.” he said reassuringly.
“I’m sorry…I’m just worried. I mean, what if they try to hurt this baby too?”
Mulder rested his chin on her shoulder “I won’t let anyone hurt you or our baby, I promise you that.”
“What are we going to do now?”
“Well, everything happens for a reason and I know that you believe that you didn’t just conceive these miracles just to have to give them up. Just think about it Scully, if you weren’t meant to have William and this baby you wouldn’t have conceived them, so I still believe there is a way.”
“What are you saying?” Scully asked.
“I’m saying that the reason you conceived this child, and the truth behind that was to give us a second chance, to give all of us a second chance. Especially me a second chance to stay with you throughout your pregnancy since I wasn’t able to be there for you for the first one. I mean, now that we’re together, we can protect these children together.”
Scully absently placed her hand gently on the small bulge of her stomach “Do you really believe that?”
“Yes, I do. I know I haven’t been sure about a lot of things lately but I’m positive on this, perhaps even more-so than I have been on anything else.” he said as he gently placed his hand over Scully’s.
“I also believe we can protect William, too.” he continued.
“Mulder…” Scully started.
“I’m serious. I truly believe that this child will bring all of us back together, if it hasn’t already. Don’t you see that? This child may be the very thing that will save us.” Mulder said softly.
“But, how will that be possible? We can’t just go march over to William’s adoptive parents and say, ‘Hi, we are William’s biological parents, can we have our son back?’”
“We’ll find a way Scully, I promise. Remember you had asked me what’s left to believe in? I still believe there’s hope, there IS hope. The child you are carrying is a symbol of that. We do have something to believe in, Scully. This child has given us faith to carry on; at least it has for me. It’s given me a second chance, it’s given ‘us’ a second chance, Scully.”
“Then you haven’t failed Mulder, you’ve just given me hope…given all of us hope. Just when I started to think there’s nothing left to believe in, but like you said there ‘is’ hope. There has to be, Mulder.” Scully said softly.
Mulder smiled briefly before he stroked her hand reassuringly “You should get some rest, Scully.” he started as he slowly pulled away from her and moved to pull back the bedspread.
“But Mulder, we can’t keep running like this! What are we going to do? We need to get William back, and now more than ever; my unborn baby is in danger! What are we going to do for doctors and a temporary place to stay other than a motel?” Scully stood up and placed her hand to her head; suddenly overwhelmed with everything they’ve been going through for the last three months.
After pulling back the comforter of the bed, Mulder turned to look back at Scully who was shaking and on the verge of breaking. Instinctively, Mulder immediately went to her and pulled her into a comforting embrace. “We’ll find a way, I promise you, we’ll find a way, but right now you need to get some rest. You’re tired.” Mulder said gently.
Scully reluctantly agreed and allowed him to gently move her towards the left side of the bed and lower her onto the mattress. After she took off her shoes, Scully slid under the covers as Mulder went to the opposite side of the bed to lie next to her.
Once they were both situated, he wrapped his arms protectively around her. They were both silent for minutes as they drew in solace from the rain as it sprinkled onto the motel rooftops. A few more moments passed before Mulder asked the question that he was meaning to ask since she had given him the news.
“Scully?” he asked softly hoping to clarify if she was asleep or not.
“Hmm?” came her muffled reply
“Are you asleep?”
“No, what is it Mulder?”
“Well, I just wanted to know if everything’s alright, are you and the baby alright?” he asked, unable to keep the concern from entering his voice
Scully gave her best half smile.
“Yeah, we’re just fine Mulder. I was just worried. Worried that you might leave me again when I told you I was pregnant.”
Mulder secured his arms tighter around her waist. “I was surprised and scared.” Mulder admitted.
“But, regardless I’m not going to leave you. I’d never do that to you, and I’ll never let you go through with what you went through last time.”
Scully smiled to herself “Where are we going to go from here? We can’t keep running forever.”
“I’m going to have to get a hold of Skinner if we can… and then Doggett and Reyes.”
“How? All of their lives are in danger…and the last time we checked, the X-Files were closed. Agent’s Doggett and Reyes are probably on the run just like we are…now that the X-Files are closed. If we contact them now, we put them in even more danger.” Scully replied.
Mulder caressed her hair. “That’s why we have cell phones, Scully. Even if we can’t get a-hold of Doggett or Reyes, I’m sure there’s some way to get a hold of Skinner.”
Scully nodded and started to pull something out of her coat before she tossed it back onto the chair beside the bed as Mulder watched her curiously. Scully pulled a small doll like figure out of her coat pocket before slipping back under the covers before turning back to Mulder who eyed her curiously.
Scully opened her hands and revealed the small rag doll that Mulder had given her as a present and for the first time in so many months. A smile spread over Mulder’s face.
“Not knowing when we’d return home, or if we’d ever return home, I brought this with me. Believe it or not…this is very important to me, Mulder. When you left, this was one of the few things I had left to remember you by.” Scully said softly.
Mulder smiled warmly. “I’m very happy that you kept it.”
A long silence settled between them and it didn’t take long for Mulder to realize Scully had been unusually quiet. “What’s wrong, Scully?” he asked gently as he moved his hand gently over the small bulge of her abdomen.
Scully slowly opened her mouth as if to form an answer and allowed a few moments more to pass between them before she could manage a sentence. “I, I was just thinking…” Scully trailed off.
“What were you thinking about?” Mulder prodded gently
Scully took a breath to regain her composure before speaking “I was thinking about Emily, Mulder.” she began as tears started to well in her eyes as she mentioned the name of her deceased daughter.
Mulder remained quiet as he listened to his partner speak of the little girl that he had wanted so much to be a father to. Even though the time he had met Scully’s daughter had been so brief, he had felt a strong connection towards her. Perhaps when he saw her he had also seen his sister. He knew that, although Emily’s name had remained unspoken up until now, Scully still loved her and always would.
Mulder remained silent as Scully reluctantly continued. “How could someone bring something so precious into this world only to take it away when it’s served it’s use!?” Scully demanded as she broke out a cry.
When Scully began to shake, Mulder tightened his embrace around her small form in an attempt to console her. He knew he couldn’t tell her that it was okay because he wasn’t even sure of anything himself, anymore. She had been given these miracles only to have them taken away from her and he wasn’t willing to let this child be taken from them. There just had to be some reason for why things happened the way they did. He knew that here had to be a revelation that gave reason to everything they had been through throughout the last nine years. Although, even if there was a reason, he didn’t think anything could justify bringing a child into this world that withheld a predestined fate to die. He would do everything in his power to protect the child Scully carried within her.
“I’m going to prove it to you, Scully. I can’t let you believe that you were only meant to receive these miracles only to have them taken away from you. Scully… I refuse to let another child be taken from you.” Mulder vowed.
“There has to be an end to this, Scully.” Mulder continued as he exhaled deeply.
As a result of Mulder’s consolation, Scully’s body slowly began to relax and she started to cry softly. Mulder gingerly positioned himself to gently place a kiss to her temple and brushed a strand of her hair away in the process.
Scully could remember being in the very same predicament two years ago. Before Mulder had been abducted and before she had found out she was pregnant with William, Scully had come to see Mulder when she was having dizzy spells and chills. Now here she was once more. The only difference being that it was right after she found out that she was pregnant again. She only hoped that the events following her last pregnancy would not re-occur. “I only hope that this child’s life will not be in any danger. I just wanted to give my children a normal life and I’m so afraid that I won’t be able to live up to that promise for this child.” Scully’s voice broke.
“Scully, I have to believe that we have conceived this child for a reason. There is a purpose for this child’s existence… he or she is meant to be here for a reason. You need to believe that. I also know you Scully. You are a strong yet compassionate person who’s kept me honest throughout the several years we’ve been together and so much more. You’re a beautiful mother, the mother of our children. You’ve always put their lives and well being before your own. You are the most kind and caring person I have ever met, Scully. We all make mistakes, but I trust your judgment Scully… I trust you.” Mulder whispered as he gently stroked her thin strands of red hair before his hand traveled downward to clasp her frail hand in his own.
Relieved by Mulder’s silent, yet emotion filled gesture, Scully gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before she brought their intertwined hands to rest on the small swell of her stomach.
“We need to find you a steady doctor Scully, someone we can trust.” Mulder suggested as he moved his hand in a circular motion over her stomach.
“I know, I’m just so afraid of putting this child’s life at risk.” Scully confided as she rested her hand over Mulder’s and moved deeper into his embrace to ward off the cold.
Mulder tucked the comforter securely around Scully. “I won’t let anything happen to you or the baby, I promise.” Mulder reassured her. “We can worry about that later, but right now, my main concern is you and the baby’s health. You should get some rest.” Mulder said as he reached above her to turn the lamp off.
“Mulder…” Scully had started to protest.
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Mulder said reassuringly as he returned to his position beside Scully and once again wrapped his arms around her small frame.
Reluctantly, Scully gave into her need for rest. “Good night, Mulder.”
“Good night, Scully.”
End Chapter Two
A/N: When Mulder says ‘our children’, he is referring to William, their unborn child and at one point Emily because he considered her a daughter. (Keep in mind that it isn’t a fact but is true in this story.) Also, thanks so much to my Beta, IdleFlame, for all her constructive criticism and advice!